By Sharon Abercrombie
Staff writer

Paul Bonjean, president of the Catholic Divorced Widowed and Separated of Contra Costa, was listening to a radio program one day when the host’s voice captured his attention with some timely advice: “Don’t let the past kidnap the future.”

Since then, Bonjean has used the announcer’s wisdom to remind people in his support group not to become permanently stuck in hurt and anger when confronted with a wrecked relationship or a spouse’s death. He has, in fact, added another bit of encouragement he often uses for his presentations. “You have no excuse for being alone.”

Anyone who has ever looked at one of the group’s monthly bulletins will understand what Paul Bonjean means. Besides the regular support group which meets at 7 p.m. the third Thursday of every month at St. Mary Church in Walnut Creek, the Catholic Divorced Widowed and Separated of Contra Costa keeps members tuned in to days of recollection, retreats, Taize prayer, concerts, museum exhibits, picnics, bocce ball sessions, potlucks, and plays.

“Our goal is to grow together and individually in a spirit of love and laughter as we journey through the trials of emotional, psychological and spiritual growth,” said Bonjean, a member of Christ the King Parish in Pleasant Hill.

The organization offers a safe, confidential support group that allows participants to share the circumstances of their losses and their deepest feelings for as long as needed. “The grieving process does not always move forward in a straight line. There are many steps forward, then backward. Sometimes they jump all around,” said Bonjean.

He joined the group in 2002, a year after his wife’s death. He now serves as a facilitator at the support groups “to find out what people need for support.”

The Catholic Divorced Widowed and Separated of Contra Costa is an ecumenical peer ministry which has been accompanying people through their losses since 1973. Franciscan Father Lorne Blessing and Bob Arieta, a Christ the King parishioner, founded the group after Arieta’s divorce.

Arieta was looking for some kind of emotional support from the Church as he embarked upon his grief and loss journey. The ministry became a part of the Oakland Diocese’s Family Life Ministry Office when it was located in Concord, Bonjean said.

A year prior to the founding of the East Bay group, Paulist Father James Young had started a national ministry group for separated and divorced Catholics at the Paulist Center in Boston. That group still exists and sponsors annual meetings, said Bonjean.

A particularly heartening time for divorced Catholics worldwide came in 1981, he noted, when Pope John Paul II called upon “pastors and the whole community of the faithful to help the divorced with solicitous care, and make sure they do not consider themselves as separated from the Church, for as baptized persons, they can and indeed must share in her life.”

Bonjean’s group currently numbers about 135 individuals, down from about 300. He attributes the drop to the growth of the Internet, which allows many opportunities for social networking and on-line searches for support groups.

Several members of the group are planning to attend an Aug. 22 retreat at San Damiano Retreat Center in Danville, entitled “A Journey through Divorce, and Separation and Beyond.” Victoria McDonald, a family therapist, will lead the retreat. Further information is available by contacting San Damiano at (925) 837-9141.

For more information about the Catholic Divorced Widowed and Separated group, call Joan S. at (925) 939-1007. Meetings are free and open to everyone.

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