By Tom McGrath

The evidence is overwhelming. Stacks of scientific studies have revealed the powerful benefits gained when families gather around the dinner table. Those benefits increase when parents and children carry on lively conversations as they break bread.

Children who regularly engage in thoughtful and imaginative conversations with adults have a real advantage in school, with friends, on the job, and in life. Yet many parents have a hard time getting past the most basic level of discourse: “What did you do today?” “Oh, nothing.” “What did you learn in school?” “Not much.” 

The art of conversation is under a lot of strain in many households. Too many mealtime conversations have to compete with blaring televisions, jangling cell phones, the lure of video games, and the blur of teenage thumbs sending text after text after text.

Here are three steps parents can take to get mealtime conversations cooking:
1. Begin with prayer that’s interactive. Invite your child to lead the prayer from time to time. Ask for a spontaneous prayer. Or begin your meal by inviting each person to name one thing they are grateful for that day.

2. As the eating begins, ask surprising, imaginative, open-ended questions. Too often parents use mealtime to grill students on missing homework assignments, chores that need doing, or behavior that needs improving. Instead, ask a question like this: “If you could create a new flavor of ice cream, what flavor would it be and what would you call it?” Imaginative questions invariably lead to fun conversations.

3. Welcome what your child has to say. Show that you value his or her opinions and contributions. Do more listening and less correcting, more understanding and less controlling. Make eye contact and be sure to smile. If you agree to get out of the power-struggle mode, odds are your mealtime conversations will take on a whole new flavor — one that’s sure to please everyone around the table.

Apply these three steps to your family’s time around the table and you’ll be providing the deeper nourishment that children crave: connection, affirmation, and love. In the process, all of you will have a lot of fun as you learn new things about each other.

(Tom McGrath, is co-author of “The Meal Box: fun questions and family faith tips to get mealtime conversations cookin” and “Raising Faith-filled Kids.” Both books are published by Loyola Press in Chicago.)

home