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By Dan Morris-Young
Catholic News Service
SAN FRANCISCO (CNS) — While the impact of abortion
on men is low on the cultural radar, there is overwhelming research, clinical
experience and anecdotal evidence that men can be profoundly traumatized
by the elective loss of a child whether they encouraged it, resisted it
or only learned of it after the fact.
This was the view of speakers at the first international conference on
men and abortion held in San Francisco Nov. 28-29.
Nearly 200 people from at least seven nations and 28 states gathered at
St. Mary’s Cathedral to hear the personal stories of men affected
by abortion, reports on research on the topic, and presentations by counselors
and therapists on the treatment of men suffering post-abortion grief.
Organized by the Milwaukee-based National Office of Post-Abortion Reconciliation
and Healing, the “Reclaiming Fatherhood: A Multifaceted Examination
of Men Dealing With Abortion” conference was co-sponsored by the
Archdiocese of San Francisco and the national office of the Knights of
Columbus.
Victoria M. Thorn, executive director of the post-abortion group, opened
the event with a brief overview of how men, like women, experience hormonal
and other changes during a partner’s pregnancy, something that is
little recognized.
“Men’s bodies are busy with their own changes” during
a mate’s pregnancy, she said, “although the physiology of
men during pregnancy is not yet taken seriously.”
The speakers included men who shared personal stories of how abortion
had unexpectedly pulled the carpet out from under their lives.
Chris Aubert, 50, an attorney, traced his life from days as a “very
secular young guy” focused on “making money and in general
becoming a yuppy” to his shocking realization during a 1994 ultrasound
procedure for his pregnant wife “that that is a baby” in her
womb.
It flooded over him, he said, that on two occasions prior to his marriage
he had agreed with pregnant girlfriends to terminate their pregnancies.
“I realized that I had killed two of my own kids,” he said.
“It was almost like the hand of God reached down and touched me.”
He recalled how after the first abortion in 1985 he had left a rose and
a $200 check for his then-girlfriend. “But I felt no sorrow, no
pain, no nothing,” he said. “I had happily agreed to the abortion.”
Similarly, he described a second abortion in 1991 with a different woman.
“I went to the clinic with her and sat in the waiting room reading
a magazine for 20 or 30 minutes, then we went to lunch,” he said.
It did not occur to him, Aubert said, “that in the next room my
child was being dismembered and killed.”
“Something in the depth of my belly,” he said, “kept
rising higher and higher” as the realization of the loss of two
children sank in. By then a convert to Catholicism, Aubert said he told
his wife, “There is something I have to tell you,” and he
revealed the past abortions.
He has since “jumped (with) both feet into the pro-life world.”
He has established a Web site on his experiences and abortion, www.chrisaubert.com.
(The site carries a warning to visitors that it includes links to graphic
photos of abortions.) He also has spoken “to groups of 50 to 1,000”
about his convictions.
Mark Bradley Morrow, a licensed Christian counselor and Milwaukee radio
personality, told participants that as young man he had “within
the space of 20 months conceived four children in my apartment and allowed
my four babies to be aborted in four different states.”
For 15 years, he said, he “did not feel a lot of pain or guilt,”
but then experienced “a meltdown one night when I thought of what
I had done in the past.” His symptoms included “shame, anger,
anxiety attacks and nightmares.”
Worrying what people would think of him, he reluctantly shared his history
with his wife, family and others who, he said, have been “kind,
loving and supportive.”
“Not all men are negatively impacted by abortion,” Morrow
said, “but many are, and they need your love, encouragement and
compassion.”
Psychotherapist Vincent M. Rue and post-abortion therapist Catherine T.
Coyle provided an overview of research on the effects of abortion on men.
Author of “Men and Abortion: A Path to Healing,” Coyle underscored
that research on how abortion affects men is in its infancy. Nevertheless,
she said, “qualitative studies” make it clear there can be
significant consequences.
She, Rue and other conference speakers all reported that many men experience
depression and guilt as well as grief, anxiety, powerlessness, anger,
emotional turmoil, sexual dysfunction and other symptoms often associated
with post-traumatic stress disorder.
Director of an independent research and treatment center, the Institute
for Pregnancy Loss in Jacksonville, Fla., Rue has established a Web site
that gathers information on people’s experiences with abortion,
www.abortionresearch.net.
One aspect of abortion in the United States mentioned frequently during
the conference is that “men have no reproductive rights whatsoever,”
even if they are married to women considering an abortion, in the words
of Rue.
Rue charged that most media as well as the preponderance of mental health
organizations and professionals continue to promote abortion despite “the
mental-health risks,” such as “thoughts of suicide in post-abortion
women being six times higher” than in the general population.
“There is zero awareness” of a connection between male suicide
and abortion, he said. “It is not even a category.”
The experts said substance abuse and risk-taking behaviors appear to be
common among men associated with an abortion.
Editor’s Note: The Web site for the National Office of Post-Abortion
Reconciliation and Healing, organizer of the conference, is www.noparh.org.
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