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June 18, 2007 • VOL. 45, NO. 12 • Oakland, CA
Principles set for ways to have 'holy conversation'
Before going
into their breakout sessions to discuss the joys, “desert areas,”
and hopes for the future of Church life, the 300 Catholics taking part
in the June 2 Lay Convocation in San Francisco received advice from Irene
Woodward, former president of Holy Names College in Oakland, on how to
conduct a “holy conversation” with one another.
Woodward is a volunteer with Pace e Bene, an Oakland-based organization
that teaches techniques for peaceful speaking, listening and acting as
a spiritual way of life. Its name, Italian for “peace and all good,”
is the greeting used by St. Francis of Assisi and St. Clare whenever they
met one another.
Pace e Bene workshops use a four-step process called CARA, the Spanish
word for face. CARA is an acronym for Center, Articulate, Receive and
Agree.
“In any entering into a holy conversation, the underlying premise
is the presence of Spirit, in both myself and the other,” Woodward
said. “So the first thing I do is to center myself, and bring my
body, heart and mind together, to help protect myself as I move into the
middle of a conflict.”
Paying attention to one’s emotions is key, she emphasized. “Am
I really angry, and if so, can I think of a way to move into that inner
place of non- violent centering?”
Sometimes in a difficult situation, Woodward said, “it is best to
tell the other person, ‘I need a little time,’ and then sit
down and breathe deeply.”
When one begins to engage in dialogue, it is important to remember to
articulate one’s beliefs in the spirit of wisdom, “as an offering
rather than a battle cry,” she said. “It is not about winning
an argument, but rather presenting our truth as a non-combative gift to
the other.”
Woodward advised being attentive to body language so that it doesn’t
project a message that conflicts with the words being spoken. Remember
to relax and speak a little slower, she added.
As the other person begins to speak, she said, “keep in mind the
virtue of humility as a way to enter into deep listening. Instead of planning
my own response, remember that we can learn from one another.”
Asking an honest question such as “tell me more about this”
and lowering one’s voice at the end of a question can help to maintain
the energy of peace.
At the end of a conversation, said Woodward, “We can ask, ‘Where
are we together in this? I don’t want to go away without knowing.
I can’t be there where you are right now, but I hope that we can
continue our dialogue.’”
Woodward is co-author with Pace e Bene staff member Cindy Preston-Pile
of “Travels with the Turtle,” a peacemaking manual for women.
They are currently using it in workshops in the Bay Area.
Franciscan Father Louis Vitale and Franciscan Sister Rosemary Lynch were
among the founders of Pace e Bene in 1989. Started under the auspices
of the St. Barbara province of the Franciscan friars of California, the
organization now has offices in Oakland, Las Vegas, Chicago, and Montreal.
